i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
