hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
