there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
