You smell like stripper and shame
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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