She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
