Betty ford says i'm here all night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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