Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
