did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
