Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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