I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
