Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
