i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
