I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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