got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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