how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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