im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
