I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
