she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
