The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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