Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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