My hand turned me down
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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