I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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