When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
