You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
