looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
