her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
