Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
