also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
