OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
