Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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