there's paper in my vomit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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