I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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