you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
