i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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