You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
