Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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