I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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