That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
