I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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