Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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