come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
