You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
