My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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