I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
