I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
