I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
