another moral hangover. fuck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
