So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
