becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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