Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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