it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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