I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They are going to name an STD after you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
