her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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