I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
