i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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